Blame Shifting is one of those things covert narcissists say and do quite often. It’s a behavior where they avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Instead, they skillfully shift the blame onto others. This is because accepting blame would challenge their self-perceived image of flawlessness and superiority.
Even when there’s clear evidence pointing to their wrongdoing, they refuse to admit their mistakes – things covert narcissists say. This is because they fear feeling ashamed and wounded. So, instead of owning up to their actions, they go into self-preservation mode and expertly put the blame on someone else.
So, what’s Blame Shifting all about, you ask?
It’s a way covert narcissists manipulate situations – another one of those things covert narcissists say. It helps them stay in control, even during arguments. Think of it like gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse, where they twist reality to fit their own version of events – yup, things covert narcissists say. By doing this, they avoid getting in trouble for what they’ve done and keep up the act of being the victim.
This tactic often leads to victim blaming, particularly when confronted about lies or boundaries. Blame Shifting confuses the conversation, diverting attention away from the original issue, and leaves the target unsure of what’s real, ultimately playing into the narcissist’s desire for control.
Recognizing these common things narcissists say during an argument allows you to safeguard against manipulation and maintain clarity in interactions with narcissists.
Here are 7 ways that narcissists often employ to make others responsible for their mistakes:
1. Playing the Victim: Shifting Sympath
Covert narcissists often say things like, “Why are you attacking me?” or “You’re being so harsh.” This emotional manipulation aims to make you doubt your intentions and actions, diverting attention from the main issue. It’s one of those things covert narcissists say to evoke sympathy and empathy.
Covert narcissists use the “darvo” strategy. Darvo stands for “Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender”. This means that when accused of abuse, they deny it, attack the victim’s character, and claim they are the actual victim. It’s one of those things covert narcissists say to avoid accountability.
Darvo works like a charm for the narcissists, because the victims of narcissistic abuse have been subjected to high levels of gaslighting, psychological abuse, and coercive control tactics. You might want to check out the R. Kelly interview with Gayle King. This interview is an excellent example of the use of darvo.
2. The Narcissist’s Time Traveler Tactic
Narcissists are quite clever at dodging blame in arguments. They have a knack for bringing up past stuff – things you did before – to shift the focus away from them. It’s like they’re saying, “You did this in the past, so let’s talk about that instead.”
For instance, if you tell them they’re not listening, they’ll remind you of three times when you didn’t listen. It doesn’t matter if those examples are real or made up. What matters is they keep you busy defending yourself, which gives them what they want – attention. They sort of put their own faults on you and make you feel confused, so you forget what’s really going on.
Here’s how they do it:
They’ll dig into the past – “Remember when you did this?”
You end up explaining old stuff instead of focusing on what’s happening now. Now instead of them admitting their behavior, you’re stuck proving you didn’t do something from the past. It’s one of those things covert narcissists say to manipulate the situation.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that erodes your confidence and makes you more reliant on the narcissist’s version of events. It is a particularly insidious tactic used by narcissists to distort your perception of reality.
They may use things covert narcissists say like, “You’re making things up,” or “That never happened.” By causing you to doubt your own memories, they gain power over the narrative and make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality.
Here are some common things covert narcissists say during an argument:
- Contradicting Memories: Disputing your version of events to make you question your memory.
- Selective Denial: Pretending certain conversations or incidents never happened.
- Emotional Withdrawal: Withholding affection or communication to distract from their actions.
- Downplaying Emotions: Dismissing your feelings and concerns as insignificant.
4. Reflective Evasion: The Narcissist’s Exit Strategy
Narcissists confidently view themselves as entitled to behave as they wish, seemingly indifferent to the impact on others. If their behavior upsets you, they skillfully use the things covert narcissists say and shift the focus to your sensitivity or inability to take a joke, conveniently ignoring their own hurtful and self-centered actions.
“I am who I am. If you can’t accept it, you’re free to leave.” This maneuver, often one of the things covert narcissists say, should be a clear indicator for us to heed their suggestion and exit.
However, the real challenge lies in our insecurities and emotional wounds, which the covert narcissist exploits with precision. Our internal fears, skillfully manipulated throughout the narcissistic relationship using things covert narcissists say, keep us ensnared. Low self-esteem, fear of solitude, financial dependency – these vulnerabilities are skillfully targeted.
5. The Guilt-Infused Manipulation
Narcissists are experts at making you feel guilty. They can turn on the waterworks in an instant to play on your emotions and avoid blame. Despite their apparent lack of concern for others, they are surprisingly sensitive to any perceived criticism. This can trigger intense emotional reactions from them.
For instance, you might see your partner use this move when they mess up big time. They’d be all curled up on the bed, tears streaming down their face, acting like they were the one who got hurt. And then they’ll drop the line, “I don’t know why I do these things, it’s like I can’t control it.”
As an empath, you will fall for it every time. Instead of focusing on what they did, you will end up comforting them. It’s like they guilt-tripped you into feeling sorry for them, even though they messed up. Guilt-tripping is like emotional blackmail.
6. The Blame Game
Ever noticed how narcissists have these sly tactics when arguments flare up? They don’t exactly come out and say, “I’m at fault,” but they give off this vibe that they couldn’t care less. Imagine this: you confront them about something that’s clearly hurting you, and it’s so obvious that even they can’t really deny it. So, they just casually ask, “Yeah, so what?”
“By the way, what’s your point?”
They’re not exactly confessing their mistakes, but it’s like they’re subtly admitting that something did happen.
Picture your boyfriend spending way too much time with other girls. When you bring it up, he might just throw back, “And? Can’t I have friends?”
Or suppose your partner is blowing money left and right, causing all sorts of financial trouble. They might shoot back with, “I earn my own money, I can spend it how I want. You’re not my boss.”
This strategy doesn’t exactly force them to say, “I messed up,” but it kind of acknowledges that they’re aware of the situation. So, next time you hear these things, you might just be caught in the middle of the things narcissists say during an argument.
7. Accusing You
When it comes to things covert narcissists say, they have a slick way of making you responsible during arguments. They quickly point fingers at you, shifting the spotlight away from themselves. They want it to seem like everything is your fault.
They claim that their reactions are caused by the other person’s actions – if only they had done things differently, the narcissist wouldn’t have acted that way. The narcissist’s “affection” depends on the other person following their rules.
The narcissist avoids taking any blame for how they react, instead putting it all on the other person. They use different tactics, like:
- Saying, “If you had paid more attention to me, I wouldn’t have needed to do what I did.”
- Accusing the other person of invading their privacy when they saw suspicious messages.
- Blaming the other person’s behavior for not getting them a birthday gift.
- Insisting that if the other person had done what they asked, there wouldn’t have been any yelling.
In a nutshell, narcissists are skilled at shifting blame away from themselves and onto others, protecting their image while making the other person feel responsible for everything. So, be cautious of these things covert narcissists say in order to recognize and navigate their manipulative tactics.
In Conclusion: Empower Yourself
Recognizing these tactics empowers you to navigate the complex web of manipulation that narcissists weave during arguments. As you become more attuned to the things narcissists say during an argument, you’ll be better equipped to stand your ground, assert your perspective, and protect your emotional well-being.
Whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, family member, friend, or coworker, remember that maintaining your composure and seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals is key to successfully managing these challenging things narcissists say during an argument.
